Criminal jokes

Why do they put a suicide watch on death row
prisoners? Why
would you care if a man you're planning to kill
anyway, kills himself?
Does it spoil the fun?

I also think
about the death row prisoner in Texas who, on the day
before his
execution, managed to take a drug overdose. They rushed him to a

hospital, saved his life, then brought him back to prison and killed

him.

Apparently, just to anger him. Read More!

Criminal jokes

A prisoner at
the Edmonton Max started
training a large fly to do tricks.

For years, for thousands of
hours, he worked with the insect. It
learned to walk across a miniature
high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike,
balance on a pair of stilts
and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.

"When you and I get
out of here," the jailbird said to the fly.
"we're going to tour
the nightspots and make a fortune."

Finally the day arrived. Fly
safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside
its matchbox home), the
ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate.

At the bar, he
brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started
moonwalking. "What about
this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender.

In one swift motion, the
bartender reached for his copy of the
newspaper THE EDMONTON SUN,
rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty
swipe.

"Glad
you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are
eve
rywhere." Read More!

Criminal jokes

Two men,
sentenced to die in the electric
chair on the same day were led down to
the room in which they would
meet their maker. The priest had given the
last rites, the formal
speech had been given by the warden, and a final
prayer had been
said among the participants. The Warden, turning to the
first man,
solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?" To
which the man
replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you
please play
The Macarena for me one last time?"

"Certainly," replied the
warden. He turned to the other man and
asked, "Well, what about you,
son? What is your final request?"

"Please," said the condemned
man, "kill me first." Read More!

Criminal jokes

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was
about to be
executed.

"Have you any last requests? asked the
chaplain.

"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my
hand?" Read More!

Criminal jokes

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to

prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his
fellow
inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good
person and made
arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his
time. After
three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best
carpenters in the local
area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to
do odd jobs for the
citizens of the community.... and he always
reported back to prison before
Sunday night was over.

The
warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done
much
of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of

kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife.

So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job
for
him.

But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh,
I'd really like
to help you but counter fitting is what got
me into prison in the first
place". Read More!